Noise in the Shape of Writing

If you click it here...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7401920720&ssPageName=MERC_VI_ReBay_Pr4_PcY_BID_Stores_IT

and then here...

http://cgi.ebay.com/Unfinished-JAPAN-TANSU-kitchen-cabinet-look-asian-WOW_W0QQitemZ7402936718QQcategoryZ73466QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

You will see why I trust my wife when it comes to purchasing furniture/antiques/anything on eBay. And yes, we bought the cheaper one WITHOUT having seen the more expensive one yet. I insisted we bid on it and ignore the "Buy It Now" price, but she had a hunch the BIN price was a super good deal and that the seller was way off base with his offer. Heh. Our gain! We'll have a beautiful Japanese living room in no time. And at 1/10 the price!

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

You heard it here first when I opined about how prevalent the F-bomb was becoming in public and at the workplace. Well, I'm not alone! Read this...
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/nation/3753767.html
I wonder if parents aboard the Galactica are dealing with the same thing...
I also wonder if there is a FCARK store in the Galactica's Galleria...
And do kids on the Galactica say "Fradge" instead of "Fudge"...?

Sorry. Yes I hate that song as much as you, dear reader, but today my face is indeed lovely and ladylike!

After decades of rebuffing face creams and lotions in that ubiquitous, macho way, I have finally seen the light! Slathered with dry skin moisturizing cream, my face and, indeed, my whole physical outlook, is immeasurably smoother. It's amazing what a person feels like when he isn't rubbing his face every 2 minutes cause it feels cobwebby.

Wow. Guys, don't knock it. Get in touch with your softer side. In the words of Number 2 in the last episode of The Prisoner, "I feel a new man!"

Thought I'd have some fun at Dan Brown's expense, not that he would mind the vast, priceless publicity that a no-name sketch author bringing a 3 minute spoof in front of an audience of 25 at an off-the-map comedy joint in Hollywood might bring him:

- - - - - - - - - - -

Da New Testament Code
By Pat Mannion

The four apostles and God himself -- shuffle in as show emcee Michael intros the sketch.

Michael
Last week, world-reknowned author and biblical gadfly Dan Brown had his day in court as the plagiarism case against his “DaVinci Code” began in London. Pardon my set arranging here – there, I think that’s about right for Pontius Pilate’s courtroom. Plenty of room for apostle robes. Anyway, the authors of an earlier book, “Holy Blood and the Holy Grail”, say Brown ripped his entire mega-best-seller off from them. But we think the problem has it’s roots – a little further back in time –

Michael exits.

Bailiff
In the case of the almighty God, author of the Old Testament, versus the four apostles, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, will the parties please rise before the honorable judge Pontius Pilate.

The Apostles rise first, accompanied by an angelic keyboard chord, followed by God rising to an even louder/better chord.

Bailif
Pontius?

Judge Judy
Pontius couldn’t make it today. I’m the Judge of Judaism. You can call me Judge Judy for short. [beat for reactions] You may be seated. Now, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John – lets see here – you are accused by the plaintiff – hey, God.

God
Hey.

Judge Judy
Of writing a book – the, uh, New Testament – which is based upon licensed and copywritten characters and elements taken from the plaintiff’s book, the – let’s see – Old Testament.

Mark
How is this even possible. We haven’t even written this New Testament yet.

Luke
We haven’t even decided on a name for it!

Bailiff hands Judy a book.

Judge Judy
Well, I have it right here. It’s sort of an “Advance Copy”. [winking at God] And it clearly has a strong resemblance to the plaintiff’s work.

John
Come on. We’ve had a rough day – what with the crucifiction and all?

Judge judy
Ch ch ch!!!

Matthew
Yeah, give us a break, our Messiah just died!

Judge Judy
Ch ch ch! Shush!! Who’s this Messiah? Huh? I went to Judaism school and I’ve never heard of him!

God
It’s my son, Judge Judy. He kind of decided to die for their sins. ALL their sins, of which there are quite a lot.

Luke
Jesus!

Judge Judy
Are you calling your first witness? Do we need to make him rise?

Matthew
Thanks, Judge. Rub it in!

God
That reminds me. I have a temporary restraining order rejoining them from a certain “blockbuster” event they have in a couple weeks --

Judge Judy
Oh really.

John
Hey, you’re not supposed to know about that!

God
A sort of “opening” if you will. Over at the cave?

Matthew
What? What’s he talking about?

John
Well, I wasn’t going to tell you until after the “release party”, but – he’s arising from the grave in two weeks.

Matthew/Luke/Mark
Oh my god!

God
Hey!

Matthew/Luke/Mark/John
Sorry, God!

This begins a brief round of “Sorry, God” “Jesus” “Sorry, Jesus” “God!” “Sorry, God” “Damn!” “Oops, sorry”, until Judge Judy breaks it up.

Judge Judy
Tut tut tut! – Tut! [beat] It’s pretty clear there’s a lot of animosity between the two parties.

Luke
Look, your honor. Either the Old Testament was a piece of fiction and we plagiarized, OR it’s non-fiction in which case our New Testament is based on existing biblical history and thus can not in any way be a derivative work.

Judge Judy
Luke makes a good point. God? Are the events put forth in the Old Testament based on fact or fiction?

God looks very uncomfortable. He adjusts his collar.

God
If I say it was based on fact, then their book is not derivative and I no longer have a case. But if I say it’s fiction, then I’m admitting I made it up and none of it – none of any of this – actually exists.

Everyone looks nervous now. Everyone adjusts their collars.

Judge Judy
I move for a permanent continuance.

All
Hooray!

God
I’ve got the new Apprentice on TIVO!


BLACKOUT

Yesterday we took Tanya out to Mt. High for ski lessons. I didn't know when we signed her up that they were all-day lessons. However, once I realized that we would be able to watch her from a balcony no more than 15 yards distant -- a balcony attached to a bar with a complete set of microbrews (oh!) -- we settled in quite nicely.

By noon, Elly was done freezing her butt off, and we had tasted all the beer selections at least once, so we split up. She went to the car to study trig for her test (to be a teacher), and I bundled up a bit more and stood in the snow.

You might say Tanya took to skiing like a duck to water, but it was more like an ice skater to snow. Her many hundreds of dollars in ice skating lessons paid off during the near-hundred dollar snow bunnies course. She had the basics of snow plow (known as the "pizza" in class) and by midday was was getting pretty good at "french fries" (parallel skiing... ok, not really parallel, heck, even *I* can't really parallel ski very well). At that point I was looking forward to the enjoyment of teaching her on future trips how to get on and off a ski lift. (Lots of scary moments of timing the lift bench worrying about falling, and then *actually* falling while getting off at the top of the ski lift. You know, just like daddy did at age 16.)

I was robbed of that pleasure. They threw her right onto the lifts after a short lunch of PB&J.

And she didn't fall. She appeared -- through the pretty cool zoom scope on my vidcam -- that she was having a grand time all the way up, even. And then there she was... zooming down the bunny slope!

It seems her only complaint during the course of the day was all those "stupid snowboarders who keep sitting down in the middle of the road". It's true. There were tons of them! When I learned to ski in 1984, there was maybe ONE snowboarder on the entire mountain. In the early 90s, when I peaked, there was about one boarder per 20 skiers. Now that statistic has flopped and, from what I could see, there were easily 20 boarders for each skier. (And there were wierd little dual-tip skiers as well. I gotta try those things!)

To liven things up, around 2PM a storm had blown in and by 3pm there were what looked to me like "white out" conditions. I couldn't see her at all! It was blindingly white, and cold, and exciting. I could only imagine what it must have been like for her on her first day out to get to ski in a complete flurry.

So, surprise surprise -- by the end of the day Tanya did NOT want to go home! I told her that in a couple hours, when the pain kicked in, she'd be HAPPY she hadn't gone for any more runs. And, sure enough, once we started taking off the boots, she was moaning with pain.

But it was short-lived. She can't wait to go back, of course. And neither can I. Considering that at my age and ski skill, she will almost be catching up with me in a couple trips, there are only fun times ahead in the next couple seasons of snow.

Hello all. Back at the keys.
Still busy with the political sketch comedy (so you know I'm writing something somewhere!). Still playin the video games (Doom3, ResEvil3... anything old and with a 3). Mostly these days reading about Admiral Lord Nelson and putting together a great costume for a Napoleonic live game. Love those knee high socks and breeches! Fingers still crossed that I will get to go on a cruise sometime soon. Getting back into the drum n bass now that I have a similar-minded coworker here. Loving the short commute of course.

Random odd thought:
Was on a motorized walkway at Denver airport last week -- you know, it's like a flat escalator but REALLY long! And as I was walking at this hugely accelerated rate I noticed that the people on the walkway coming the other way were, as a result of also being accelerated, going past me REALLY fast. It occured to me that if our race had developed significantly faster walking speeds, we would NEVER get to know each other cause you barely notice people when you pass each other that fast. Though perhaps we would have quicker minds to go with our fast legs and we'd never notice.

Like I said, odd thought.
And a freakin scary airport. Don't go there -- the turbulence in and out of that airfield is nasty!