Noise in the Shape of Writing

The US national team has finally met its match! A foreign team so unstoppable that even captain Claudio_Reyna could not rouse his men to a victory over them. A team unrelenting in their desire to defeat our boys in the red, white and blue. A team whose own colors are destined to strike fear in the hearts of World Cup contestants for years to come.

Whatever those colors are.

"We were ready for the gold and green of Ghana and the red, green & white of Italy," said backfielder Eddie_Pope. "But these guys came out of nowhere wearing whatever the hell color they felt like and waving flags and cards all over the place!"

The defender, who was red carded in the final minutes of the Italy game on Saturday by the captain of this fearsome, new opponent -- known as a "head referee" -- was unable to play in the Ghana game today. And even though this final game drew no red cards for team USA, their new nemesis struck again, awarding the African team a penalty kick for some gentle touching in the penalty box.

"The savages!" cried coach Bruce_Arena, as he flopped his forearms forward in his trademark, limp-wristed gesture of disagreement. This coming in stark contrast to the flailing, prissy fist-in-the-air he used to celebrate the US's one goal in the game.

Striker Landon_Donovan felt the same way. "Whoever has to face these guys next is in for a hell of a whooping!"

The Ghana team, speaking in broken English, agreed. "It was very much a pleasure to be diving and flopping around in fake agony against such a honored and admired side! The side judge in partucular made for me a very good audience!"

Ghana next faces these surprising, new opponents in their match on Tuesday in Dortmund. Team Brazil had been expected to attend that game as the first place representative of Group F, but since there will already be two teams on the pitch they are not expected to be much of a factor as the Ghana side "dives" into the Round of 16 match in every sense of the word.