Noise in the Shape of Writing

I just got my 5th sketch in a row turned down. And this one was in my opinion a "shoo in". As usual, I am presently feeling that very quiet, queasy sensation that always follows such news. That internal, noone-else-can-tell-I'm-hurting feeling. It's like having diarhea. You are suffrering but you're not anxious to tell anyone. You know it sucks, but it's not like the world is going to end. You tried and you'll try again. But it sucks. It's a very personal battle waged in isolation and a very personal pain borne alone. But the battle is the fun part. The getting published (or performed) is fun as well, but it's as fleetingly wonderful as the refusal is fleetingly painful.

So here is my sketch...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> Here’s Yer Pills
> By Pat Mannion
>
> A man approaches a Medicare counter. Behind him in line, Dick
> Cheney awaits his turn.
>
> PHARMACIST
> I’m sorry, sir. The deadline for Medicare registration has passed.
> You’ve had PLENTY of time to file for Medicare. The date was
> CLEARLY communicated to the senior community.
>
> CHENEY
> [pounding chest] Freaking WONDERFUL time for the old heart to flare
> up.
>
> Cheney dons flimsy beard disguise before approaching the counter.
>
> PHARMACIST
> Next!
>
> CHENEY
> I know I missed the deadline, but --
>
> President Bush barges into the room – putting on a pharmacist’s lab
> coat -- with Secret Service in tow.
>
> DUBYA
> Excuse me. I’m the President here to see FIRST HAND what kind of
> LOSERS missed the deadline. [laughs] I mean, I’m here to
> “initialize a dialogue” with our ageing seniors – the one’s who
> missed the boat. Hey, do you like the smock? Overstock-dot-com! [to
> the line] Next!!
>
> CHENEY
> Oh god. This is going to go badly.
>
> DUBYA
> Forgetful old geezer -- What can I do for you?
>
> CHENEY
> Old geezer!!? Why I’ll old geezer you!
>
> DUBYA
> [aside] See? This one’s got spunk! He probably doesn’t even NEED
> drugs.
>
> Cheney coughs. His chest is giving him trouble.
>
> [under his breath] Remain calm. Remain calm!
>
> DUBYA
> [leading] Can I help you?
>
> CHENEY
> [out of breath] Pills! I need pills!
>
> DUBYA
> [snatching away a bottle of pills] Ah. You see, the federally
> mandated deadline for registering your Medicare preferences passed
> at midnight, May 15th. [speaking as if Cheney is deaf] That’s…
> LAST… NIGHT…!
>
> CHENEY
> Come on. We all know that’s a bunch of bullshit. People can get
> pills. There’s always a way to GET PILLS! [lunges for pills]
>
> DUBYA
> [moving the pills again] Now, see, that’s exactly what the old Ball-
> And-Cheney warned me about. “Revamp the Medicare rules!” he says.
> “Let those old farts get a taste -- "
>
> CHENEY
> [overlapping] -- get a taste of death and then they’ll be BEGGING
> for privatized healthcare. I know, I know! [under his breath]
> Dammit, I wrote the fucking thing. [to Bush] Now gimme the pills!
>
> DUBYA
> [walking away with them] Smart little bastard, ain’t he. I could
> use someone like him in my administration. [Cheney mugs] You see,
> fella, here’s how it works: Soon-To-Be-Extinct-Americans like
> yourself NEED pharmaceutical companies to keep their evil, greedy
> little hearts running; and Republicans need drug company money AND
> evil, greedy little retired VOTES to keep them in office; so
> basically old codgers like the Vice President NEED the drug
> companies as much as WE do!
>
> CHENEY
> I am not an old codger!!
>
> DUBYA
> Good point. The VP looks a LOT older than you. [beat] Now, just
> fill out this Late Charge Penalty Form and we can process your
> order --
>
> CHENEY
> Fuck the Penalty Charge Form, I need –
>
> Cheney doubles over. It’s his heart again.
>
> DUBYA
> What was that?
>
> CHENEY
> Nothing. The form, the form, dammit.
>
> DUBYA
> [offering the form] Good choice. Speaking of choices, we offer a
> wide array of programs including Merck, Pfizer, Pfizer-Merck, Merck-
> Pfizer and ANY of a hundred other products that start with Pfizer
> or Merck.
>
> CHENEY
> Here’s your damn form.
>
> DUBYA
> Leapin’ lizards, this is a big order. I’m going to have to call my
> boss on this one. [removing his cellphone]
>
> CHENEY
> Yeah, you call your damn boss! [realizing] Oh shit. [answering his
> phone] Hello?
>
> Cheney blurts “yeah”/“whatever” over most of Bush’s next line.
>
> DUBYA
> Decider Number 2? I’ve got a senior citizen here -- looks to be 90,
> 95 [Cheney grimaces] -- wants a buttload of pain killers. Doesn’t
> seem to be in pain, but he is being a big pain in the butt. [smiles
> at Cheney] You think we can cover his order?
>
> CHENEY
> Do it!
>
> DUBYA
> Congratulations old fella. Here’s yer prescription. Oh, and --
> [reaching] your beard is on crooked.
>
> CHENEY
> You knew? [Dubya chuckles & nods] Why’d you give me these then?
>
> DUBYA
> You’re a lot more fun on pills.
>
> The two smile and “freeze frame” like then ending of an old “Odd
> Couple” episode.
>
> BLACKOUT