Noise in the Shape of Writing

I realized long ago that I have no ability in the area of dap.

But at least I know what dap is. I've known what dap is for as long as I have sucked at doing it. Which is about 4 years now.

What is it? It's that hand thing where instead of a handshake you make a fist and bop each other -- in turn -- on top of each other's fist. Used to be a "brotha" thing, but now everyone and their cracka white trash uncle does it.

How can one suck at that? It's so simple!

Here's how: when I reach in for a handshake, they hit me with a fist.

When I remember to anticipate it, I watch for the fist but don't know if I'm the "high" or "low" fist to start off with and I come in too close to middle, making a mockery of it as we do a tiny little dap that looks stupid.

If I feel confident and go low or high, they come in with a straight on (whitey style) dap. Y'know, where the fists meet head to head. Maybe they should feel like the lame one in that case, but I always feel dumb for some reason.

And then there's the "full homey shake"... or whatever it's called. The one where you go past a handshake and link thumbs, then pull back for a quick finger clasp which releases in a "snap" to be followed by the dap. I *ALWAYS* miss part of it! Sometimes I try to start with a regular handshake, which is confusing at best and just extends the embarrasment at worst. But most of the time I simply forget about the dap and that's called "leaving them hanging".

Kill me know.

Most of you who know me have figured out that I just plain go for the traditional manly handshake. Unfortunately that pegs me straightaway as being old.

Why can't we all just hug?

No, seriously. The whole handshake thing seems musty and perfunctory anway.

Don't let me get away with it next time you greet me.

Peace out.