Noise in the Shape of Writing

Tell me if I am crazy... everyone knows the "John Johnson" song, right? You know: "My name is John Johnson, I come from Wisconsin." I figured it was ingrained in everyone's memory from childhood. Well, above a certain age anyway (an age which gets ridiculously higher with each year). I wrote a song parody in that style about the undecided vote and no one who read it (the director, many cast and writers) had heard of the original.

Is it just me? Tell me!

Anyway, here is the parody I wrote:

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THE UNDECIDED MARCH
by Pat Mannion

INT – IOWEST STAGE — NIGHT

(SUNG TO THE TUNE OF “MY NAME IS JOHN JOHNSON”)


JOHN JOHNSON
My name is John Johnson.
I live in Wisconsin.
I work in a factory there.
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
“Hey. Who are you voting for?”
And I say, Let me just wash off the blood and the cow guts caked onto my hands after 16 hours at the Madison County meat packing plant and then tell my kids I won’t be home for dinner and I’ll get right on that!

KATE KOMING
-- my name is Kate Koming.
I live in Wyoming.
I work at a preschool right there.
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
“Hey. Who are you voting for?”
And I say, Somewhere between the utter inability of either candidate to speak on social issues that affect me while they harp again and again about who’s responsible for finding Osama – which means fuck-all to anyone living in Wyoming and, wait, I’ve forgotten who’s on the ballot --

BRAD BORLIN
-- My name is Brad Borlin.
I live in New Orleans.
I’m a fourth year at LSU state. Go Tigers!
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
“Hey. Who are you voting for?”
And I say, Dude! Bud Light -- all the way. Though Bud is will probably make the spread. We are talking about the Bud Bowl, right? Hey, you’re hot! PARTY!

MARGE MANSING
-- My name is Marge Mansing.
I live in East Lansing.
I go to Saint Benedict’s there.
The reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
“Hey. Who are you voting for?”
And I say, I have to wait until Sunday when Pastor Timothy is going to tell us who to vote for according to the Lord’s will. [aside] Do I really live in a “swing state”? That sounds so dirty!

KRIS KUNER
-- My name is Kris Kuner.
I live in Laguna.
I work at the Old Navy store.
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
“Hey. Who are you voting for?”
And I say, Well, my parents didn’t vote. And neither are my friends. Plus there’s no point in voting in California, right? It’s a blue state. So, how cool are these Silver Capri Cargos, huh? I think I could wear them with my off-white Thermal V-neck --

MARGARITA
My name Margarita.
I live in Arleta.
I work at a strawberry farm.
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street say:
(using gestures) “WHO -- are YOU –el VOTE-O -- FOR??!”
And I think: I KNOW what you talking bout. I no have to speak English to know there is a stupido election this year. But if I vote, you will find out I am not here legally. Come on, I’m FOREIGN, not RETARDED.

MIKE MARTID
-- My name is Mike Martid.
And I am retarded.
I don’t know my right from my left.
Reporters I meet as I walk down the street –
Would be surprised to find that I am significantly more informed then most of them are. Plus, I can put on my own clothes and I know where babies come from… take THAT Sean Hannity.

BILL BRIGHTON
-- My name is Bill Brighton.
I’m still undecided.
I represent all of the rest.
Reporters agree: If it wasn’t for me
we could put this whole business to rest.

ALL
Reporters agree: If it wasn’t for me
we could put this whole business to rest.


BLACK OUT