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Being your place on the web to make Pat feel all warm and snuggly... or just a place to type random text... ANYTHING to get those badgers, mushrooms and African snakes out of my head!
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Pinata Sissy Boys Need Not Apply
"PLEASE HAVE YOUR CHILD BRING THE FOLLOWING FOOD TO SCHOOL FOR A PARTY: WATERMELON. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO STAY AND JOIN US FOR SOME LUNCH, PLEASE DO"
I give this to you all as a warning. If your child's teacher sends this message home with your kid, just send the damn watermelon. Do not -- I repeat -- DO NOT interpret this as an opportunity to mooch some free cheetos and soda.
For one thing, they don't serve soda... it's all water and fruit drinks. You're lucky if you get a hot dog. Damn government-mandated health guidelines.
Second, only the moms go to these things. You will very likely end up talking about hot flashes and strategies for saving money at Trader Joe's. Not a bad skill to have, I guess. But really, what Joe's strategy can't be boiled down to just trolling the frozen food isle for anything that says GOURMET and costs $2.99 --- the ubiquitous magical TJ price.
If you do go to one of these so-called parties, however, just do whatever you have to to make sure it does not occur on Pinata day. Pinata day (And you know you have a cheapass Blog site when there is no tilde over your "n") apparently consists of 40 small, over-stimulated, popsicle-fed children waving long, serrated, welt-bestowing bamboo sticks at things that are mostly not pinatas.
My arm is not a pinata. My other arm is not a pinata. Lauren, the frail girl wearing glasses is not a pinata. These are subtelties completely lost on a child hell bent for Laffy Taffy.
Oh. And did I mention the best part? I got to be the pinata rope guy.
The pinata rope guy gets to stand in the sun, pull a pinata up and down, and avoid a knee-high bat. All this while half-a-dozen little punks prove how funny it is to hang on your rope.
The only fun part is when you get to yank that little Sponge Bob effigy up just as the kid at bat goes for it.
Swing and a miss!
Only, I was lucky enough to have "Kinder Gentler Kenny" (as I shall call him), who stood next to me with his baleful eyes and rebuked me repeatedly for teasing his classmates with my pinata dodge and feint tactics.
He could have used a swing or two from me.
The women, by the way, got to sit in the shade and then dash out to help their little Joeys and Justins get more than their fair share of ill-gotten sweets.
But, hey... at least I got a hot dog. It could have been chicken nubbins day.
I give this to you all as a warning. If your child's teacher sends this message home with your kid, just send the damn watermelon. Do not -- I repeat -- DO NOT interpret this as an opportunity to mooch some free cheetos and soda.
For one thing, they don't serve soda... it's all water and fruit drinks. You're lucky if you get a hot dog. Damn government-mandated health guidelines.
Second, only the moms go to these things. You will very likely end up talking about hot flashes and strategies for saving money at Trader Joe's. Not a bad skill to have, I guess. But really, what Joe's strategy can't be boiled down to just trolling the frozen food isle for anything that says GOURMET and costs $2.99 --- the ubiquitous magical TJ price.
If you do go to one of these so-called parties, however, just do whatever you have to to make sure it does not occur on Pinata day. Pinata day (And you know you have a cheapass Blog site when there is no tilde over your "n") apparently consists of 40 small, over-stimulated, popsicle-fed children waving long, serrated, welt-bestowing bamboo sticks at things that are mostly not pinatas.
My arm is not a pinata. My other arm is not a pinata. Lauren, the frail girl wearing glasses is not a pinata. These are subtelties completely lost on a child hell bent for Laffy Taffy.
Oh. And did I mention the best part? I got to be the pinata rope guy.
The pinata rope guy gets to stand in the sun, pull a pinata up and down, and avoid a knee-high bat. All this while half-a-dozen little punks prove how funny it is to hang on your rope.
The only fun part is when you get to yank that little Sponge Bob effigy up just as the kid at bat goes for it.
Swing and a miss!
Only, I was lucky enough to have "Kinder Gentler Kenny" (as I shall call him), who stood next to me with his baleful eyes and rebuked me repeatedly for teasing his classmates with my pinata dodge and feint tactics.
He could have used a swing or two from me.
The women, by the way, got to sit in the shade and then dash out to help their little Joeys and Justins get more than their fair share of ill-gotten sweets.
But, hey... at least I got a hot dog. It could have been chicken nubbins day.
